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Blurt out the most offensive thing you can about anything subject you can think of: health care, football, the President, Michael J. Fox, immigration... Just go wild!
Dig up a wig with a receding hairline and put on a St. Louis Rams jersey, plunk a cigar in your mouth, and pop a handful of prescription drugs (or just some candy that looks like pills) in your gob on the off chance you can keep it shut long enough to swallow.